Thursday, June 9, 2011

What Do You Say?

Strategic fathers who make “The Blessing” a study understand the power of a spoken message.

A father’s spoken message should:
  1. Attach high value
  2. Picture a special future
What does this mean?

Knowing Their Worth
A strategic father searches for the right words that will “attach high value” to his child.  Our children need to know that they have intrinsic value.  My daughter is always “my princess” even when she misbehaves.  My sons are always “champions” and “my warriors” even when they don’t win a game. 

The sin in our children, the seduction of the world and attacks of Satan seek to undermine a child’s self-worth.  So a father’s message should say, “you are born special” and then highlight that uniqueness by “naming.”

Seeing Their Future
The second element is incredibly important.  Helping a child picture a special future based on their intrinsic self worth, the uniqueness of their gender and their gifting.  A lot of parents send their kids to school and don’t intentionally discern a child’s gifts. 

I’m not talking about “forcing” a career or some unfulfilled dream on your child.  But at every phase of a child’s development we should be speaking life.  We should declare the wonders of our child’s gifts and suggest the different pathways available.  My son devours books and loves to draw so we talk about making movies.  My daughter is brilliant at mathematics so we talk about banking.  Oh and there is more because they’ve just started! 

However, be warned:
  1. Your actions need to match your words otherwise you are a liar
  2. Your actions should never jeopardize the special future that you picture for your child
Tell me:
  • How do your messages attach high value to your child? 
  • Does your child know that they are special?
  • How do you help your child picture a special future?

Please post your thoughts and questions below!

Your brother,

Minister Onorio 


  1. My children can be anything they want to be, but I want them to be everything they can be in Christ Jesus. That’s the future I have always pictured for my children. My only daughter I called her Honey Bunny from infancy and at 27yrs she is still and I still call her my Honey Bunny. As a little girl she loved to read, she was always reading (I have a collection of some of the books she has read. Her reading fed her imagination tremendously and led her to write poems and songs, O did I mention she can sing. Yes she can sing. She was part of the CCC Youth Choir when it first began. In stead of telling her what she can or can not do, that is from the stand point of finding her passion. We encouraged her according to her talents and abilities and even tapped into hidden talents by watching her development She like to read so we spend time in the library with her. She enjoyed acting, so we encouraged her by attending every school player she was in. She like animals as well so we bought her hamsters and a painted turtle and took her to the zoo many times, O and she took horse riding lessons at the riding Academy her in Brooklyn because she loves horses. And I got her a dog when her mother died of breast cancer. What’s your point Jesus, well I am glad you asked. We will never know what our children can or can not do unless we spend quality time with them. Too many parents are putting their children in a box because they neglect the simple things that can make an impact on their children’s life. Talking and interacting with them. The physical touch is very important, but we must not neglect the emotional touch as well. Time spent talking, teaching, listening to them, watching them as they interact with their siblings, and yes even quiet time speaks volume. For me this all transcends to an enormous emotional bear hug and even now that may children have their own families I still feel the squeeze of those well missed bear hugs. Any way my daughter went to Temple University to be a Veterinarian, she graduated Magna Cum Lau, A Social Worker, still with passion for the living. That being said, I admonish all parents to feed not starve their children’s hopes, dreams, talents and abilities. They can be anything they want to be, but we can help them be everything they can be in Christ Jesus. Amen

  2. Thank you again for sharing! I continue to learn a lot from you my brother.

  3. I apologize for taking so long to reply but I had to meditate on your questions a bit. Our messages are conveyed in two ways both through actions (touch)and by words(life). I am teaching my son to live under a code of conduct for manhood that I prescribe to, believe in, and live by. This year I have been instilling in him the importance of telling the truth basically, teaching him to take responsibility. Just the other day, he and my wife picked me up from the train station. And as we were about to get out of the car and walk into the house, I looked in the back seat and saw a look of disappointment on my son's face. And I asked him, what's wrong son? My wife interjected and told him, "It's alright baby Daddy isn't going to be mad." Now my curiosity was on edge. And so I asked him, "What happen Buddha?" He told me that he broke the baseball bat that went to the Wii. And so I was like wheew... And Thought to myself, there were so many other things in my house that could've gotten broken. However, I almost dismissed the fact that he thought enough out of reverence to tell me the truth. Without a second thought, I went to him,looked him in the eye, cradled his head and said, "Son,I'm very proud of you for telling Daddy the truth. That was being brave and I appreciate that." So in this example there was the touch (cradled his head)and there were the words of reinforcement,affirmation, and recognition showing I valued his decision. In a nut shell, I use a lot of positive reinforcement in my house. Positive reinforcement helps to make them feel secure, helps them to feel comfortable to take risk, reinforces acceptable behavior, it dosen't set limitations, it helps them feel accepted and valued. I believe this creates an atmosphere for them to feel comfortable to explore their interest. However, it's the parents job to deliver and expose them to opportunities and possibilities. It's a parent's job to surround their children around a community of professionals to assist a child's dream. This actually brings up the point of why we do not develop in isolation but, that's another thread discussion.

  4. Rich! Your meditation was worth waiting for! Classic! Praise God!


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