Wednesday, June 1, 2011

From Strangers to Brothers

Who do you call when you are in a jam?

Please don’t say Ghostbusters.  And please don’t say “my wife.”  And if you tell me “mommy” then you aren’t old enough to read this blog.

Sure our wives should be our best friends and confidants.  But you have an unhealthy Christian walk if you don’t have ONE other Christian man that you can call.

How do men become brothers?

First, men start out as acquaintances.  Our association is based on one thing: We respect each other.  But the relationship is still shallow.

Men become friends when we are encouraging each other.  What brings us to this stage is sharing a common enemy, obstacle or goal.  So men on a softball team are going to become friends because they learn to stand side by side.  Basically, we want the other man to do better.
But friendship is not brotherhood.  The camaraderie looks like brotherhood.  But there is a big difference.

We become brothers when we are willing to hold each other accountable.  Men become brothers when we are being transparent.  Accountability without relationship and trust is legalism or even cultish.  As brothers we meet face to face but work back to back.

Men don’t arrive here overnight.  Most men are raised to value autonomy, independence and strength.  We are raised to distrust other men.  We are afraid of being “kicked out of the club” for appearing weak.  Some men take years to peal away the layers of “masks” and lies we hide behind.

Brothers encourage each other to do well and invest in each other’s success.  And brothers hold each other accountable and offer correction when needed.  In brotherhood you can pull my collar and challenge me on my motivations and actions.

The tool of our spiritual enemy is to keep us isolated.  But the gift of God in Christ is the company of Christian brothers.  Because we don’t grow in isolation.  We grow in community.

But what kind of community?  A community with a vision for men’s ministry.
  • Men united around a common principle; that manhood and Christlikeness are synonymous
  • Men sharing a common purpose; to train and be trained
  • Men holding the same values; integrity, brotherhood, family and service
  • Men who are not about religion but grace and truth
Shout out to my brothers in ICB.  Ahoo!

Your brother,

Minister Onorio
P.S. This blog is based on a presentation from Brett Clemmer of Man in the Mirror Ministries 


  1. Awesome piece Brother Minister, I was so moved by one of my brothers leaving me an email that he sent his wife on areas that he wanted to improve on. That Brother through his actions (transparency) told me that I was safe to share with him also in the areas where I fell short with my wife, my insecurities and my fears of failing as a husband, father and as a man of God and we hold each other accountable to this very day. ICB blessed me and my family, I love my brotherhood, thanks to YOU, Pastor and Brother V for maintaining a safe environment for us men to grow.

  2. I believe that true brother consist of honesty, accountability and seeing value in each other no matter what their present state is. A great example of this is the movie Thor where even after Loki is discovered to be the protagonist in the drama Thor still views Loki as his brother even to the very end where he mourns for him. Just something to consider.

  3. Thank you Lamont! Thank you Bee! Thank you both for being great brothers in Christ.

  4. This should be required reading. Love it.

  5. Thanks Bryant! Praise God!


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