My Ears for Her Heart

Can you hear her now?

Have you ever been on the phone when suddenly the other person says, “Hello?  Hello!  I can’t hear you!”

Maybe you started moving around hoping to get a signal and you respond, “Hello?  Can you hear me now?”

I think this is also the case in many marriages.  Couples are screaming to each other “can you hear me now?!”

Why?

Communication was never really there
Too many relationships start off trying to make the other person interested and attracted to us.  We say and listen just long enough to get what we want.  In other words, we aren’t being genuine.  It is a game to win and a prize to possess.

We fail to clarify content
Words have multiple meanings.  Don’t assume you understand what your wife is asking or saying.  Always ask, “what do you mean?” or “why would you ask that questions?” and “is that how you really feel?”

We aren’t really listening

Our wives need to know that we cherish, care and appreciate them.  We communicate these things through active listening.  Men tend to be headliners because we want to get to the point.  Now men can talk a lot but it’s usually to show off, to teach or to exchange information.  Women tend to discuss and share details in order to:

• Build a relationship
• Strengthen a bond
• Show and share empathy

To become an active listener a man needs to learn to detect & reflect feeling.  Is she frustrated?  Is she anxious?  Is she happy?  Connect with your wife by naming what she feels like “honey it sounds like you’ve had a rough day” or “wow baby you are really happy about Isaiah’s grades.”

Our wives aren’t simply sharing details of their day or their feelings.  When she speaks she is sharing her heart.

And when you really listen to her, you are listening to her heartbeat.

Active listening is a skill to develop.  But it’s worth it.

You give her your ear then she’ll give you her heart.

To men:

1. What are your communication challenges?
2. What makes it hard for you to give your undivided attention?
3. Do you feel like you understand what she wants?

Please post your thoughts below.

Your brother,

Minister Onorio