Saturday, May 7, 2011

The Father's Touch

A hug.  A kiss.  Holding hands.  It is never enough to simply say, “I love you.”  We have to show it.

God has called fathers to connect with our children through meaningful touch.  This is the first element of “The Blessing.”

It should start when your child is in the womb laying hands on the belly with tenderness and prayer.

Trent & Smalley define meaningful touch as, “a gentle touch, stroke, kiss, or hug given by significant people in our lives (a husband or wife, parent, close friend and so on).”

Some fathers start off affectionate but then get distracted by work.  Sometimes we stop giving meaningful touch because our child “feels” different.  Our sons begin to “feel” muscular and strong and so we back away.  Our daughter’s bodies begin to mature, no longer like little girls, and we back away.

No.  Don’t do that.  They need the father’s touch.

Meaningful touch is a symbolic transference of power, authority, validation and acceptance.
This is one of the reasons why Dr. James Dobson advises parents not to use their hands to discipline children.  Our hands should always signal acceptance and love.

And God forbid that you would withhold meaningful touch as punishment!  Learn my brothers to discipline in love and never to withhold love!

Never withhold your touch.  That is cruel.  And you will reap the whirlwind.

No matter how old your child, repent and engage by faith in a consistent demonstration of meaningful touch.

You have to read the book but here is an example of the power of meaningful touch:

“Repeatedly Dr. Krieger has found that hemoglobin levels in both people’s bloodstreams go up during the act of the laying on of hands. As hemoglobin levels are invigorated, body tissues receive more oxygen. This increase of oxygen energizes a person and can even aid in the regenerative process if he or she is ill. A number of physical changes take place when we reach out and touch. Studies show that touching can actually lower a person’s blood pressure. Low blood pressure is an important part of staying healthy. In a recent study UCLA found that just to maintain emotional and physical health, men and women need eight to ten meaningful touches each day. At times, the smallest act of touch can be a vehicle to communicating love and personal acceptance.”

Reach out.

There is power in the father’s touch.

Please share your thoughts and questions.

Your brother,

Minister Onorio


  1. I agree that a father's touch is so important to our children, especially daughters. I usually wake my 8 year old daughter every morning and get her ready for the day. Part of our routine is to give her a morning hug. That embrace is a great way to start her day off. She transitions from the hug to a good stretch. However one challenge is not to rush the hug due to time constraints. Often we may be short on time in the morning, but this should not compromise the embracing hug towards our children. We must always let them experience their importance in our lives no matter what's going on.

    The morning hug also sets the expectancy of a blessed day for our children.

  2. Amen Karl! Well said! Thanks for sharing a little bit of how you are living the blessing. You are building you legacy as a father! Praise God!

  3. Luke 18:15 Paints a beautiful picture of the Master's touch. Children running, jumping up on Jesus lap, snuggling close to him.The glow of excitement and joy on their faces. Jesus smothered with innocence. WOW, What a beautiful scene. Right then and there I thought to myself, Jesus showed the importance of the touch. I am sure he did not rush the touch or hug. I agree with you Brother Karl. A father's touch is desperately needed, often neglected or ignored completely. I remember holding my children and hugging them almost as if I wanted to bring them inside myself. I wanted that from my dad, but did not get it and finally the longing was satisfied with the touch of my children. With and through the touch;We both get the blessing. I began teaching at the Kiddie Kingdom because I was drawn by the spirit of fatherlessness and there were no men teaching there. I can't express the overwhelming feeling of joy when a child comes up to me and just hugs me, I hug them back but I have to be careful. Often I look at and asked for the parents approval. Many time the approval comes from a grandmother or great great grandmother. Where are the Dads and mothers? I wonder either they(the children) get many hugs and show it by giving some back or they are in desperate need of one.

    I want to end with these words from Kathleen Keating Schloessinger:
    In a world that has grown more complicated, more fierce in the demands made upon our hearts and pocket books, there is one easy, free gift left. The power of touch. Don’t turn away from the elderly, disabled, terminally ill or long term care residents because their needs seem beyond your ability to give. The one thing they need the most is the most simple, yet profound gift you have to give. Your kind hand holding theirs and a hug from your heart. The gift of touch is the most powerful healing you can offer another, and it is the most powerful healing you can give yourself. Give generously and watch yourself grow rich in what matters the most. Hug often, hug well...I embrace your spirit.... Kathleen Keating Schloessinger

    Some interesting reading:
    The Hug Therapy Book by Kathleen Keating, The Gift of Touch by Helen Colton, and Touching: The Human Significance of the Skin by Ashley Montague

  4. Wow! Praise God! Where did you get that quote? I didn't realize there was so many books on the power of touch.
    You've captured the heart of meaningful touch!
    Thank you as always!

  5. My brother I was amazed as well. Your post opened the door of curiosity. I would never had know if it was not for this post. I have read about the authors, but not the books. However they are on my list. Check this site out;
    The Devastating Effects of Isolation on Social Behaviour
    Thank you Minister O

  6. Praise God! Iron sharpens iron...


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