Sunday, April 17, 2011

Three Kinds of Fathers

What kind of a father are you?  Robert Lewis spoke about three kinds of dads.  The first kind is the one that makes the headlines.  This is the absent father who abandons his responsibilities to love, direct, protect and provide for his children.

But honestly, isn’t it possible to be present in the home and still be an absentee father?

An absentee dad can live in the home but spend most of his time at work or simply be emotionally distant from his child.

Then there is the so-called “involved” dad.  This is the dad who is really present for his child physically, emotionally and spiritually.  He tucks his children into bed, reads to them, shows up at the games and helps plan the birthday parties.

Thank God for all the involved dads.  We pray for every absentee father to get a revelation of the hurt and pain they are causing.

However there is a third kind of father.  This IS the kind of father I am trying to be (God help me.)

The third kind of dad is the Strategic Father.  He does all the things of an involved father.  But a strategic dad:

1. Strategic dads are intentional in bringing the best out in his children.
2. Recognizes that he is not raising children, he is raising adults.  One day this child will be an adult so a strategic dad is preparing them to be on their own.
3. Knows that his lifestyle must be consistent with his message.
4. Prays for and plans a clear vision for the progress of his children.
5. Knows that successful fathering has to do with his legacy and what will outlive him.
6. Prays and prepares to seize the teachable moments in his child’s life.

A strategic father is intentional in passing on the blessing of unconditional love and acceptance.

A lot of mothers are simply happy that dad is present and takes the kids out once in a while.

But God expects us to be strategic.  He expects us to be intentional in raising our sons and daughters into manhood and womanhood.

  • What are some of your ideas on strategic fathering?
  • What are some of the lessons you have planned or a planning to share with your children?
  • Give us some of your examples on how you “seized the moment” in your child’s life.
  • Please share your thoughts below.
Your brother,

Minister Onorio


  1. Brother Minister,

    Thank you for constantly prodding the herd of brothers (me included) who want to do better, in the right direction. As a Strategic Father, part of the Rites of Passage program that I have been developing for my son and daughter includes planting strong memories into their hearts. Memories like: “Dad coached my T-Ball Team.” “Me and Dad created a nice painting.” One memory that I am confident will be in their hearts forever is when I cracked them up with my fart jokes routine. I never heard them laugh that hard before. It grossed mom out a bit, but it was worth it.

    Rod Patterson

  2. Amen and Amen,
    When my son Daniel was 3yrs old, he loved playing with building blocks. Together we would play "building things" He would say, "hey dad lets make this" or I would say "I have an Idea lets make this" I remember one morning I was going out for work, he asked me to Play Building Things with him, I told him I couldn't but we can play when I get back. He looked at me and said Ok dad. As I started out the door I thought WOW he is growing fast and one day all the toys and games will be put aways. I turned back knowing that I would be late for work,but I had to seize the moment. The glow on his face was priceless when I came back and said to him "I thought you wanted to play Building Things. He said "Alright Dad,alright" The time we spent, I spent it talking and admiring him as we build together. Now the toys are put away, but that golden memories will live on.

    In Christ business,
    Jesus Ferrer

  3. Thank you fellas for sharing! Intentional fathering is difficult. Thank God for others who are on the journey.

  4. on seizing the teachable moment. Over the weekend I was playing with my son on his Wii. One of the controllers began to not function though I had replaced the batteries. After several attempts and no progress I went to the Wii Manual and look under troubleshooting. The answer was found the remote needed to be synced. I stopped and paused intentionally saying to my son "now what did you learn from what daddy just did? His first response was - "you fixed it", I replied "so close" (a term I learned to use to keep him trying instead of barking out a No or Wrong). I then said "when daddy didn't know what was going on I went to the manual right?" He nodded in agreement. Then I asked him this question "when we have trouble what book do we need to go to?" He replied the "Wii?" (btw he just turned 6) I replied "so close, it is a book that begins with a B" - he replies "Basketball?" I replied "so close, it is the book that you read this morning when you got out of the bed", and then he said "The Bible!", "right!" I exclaimed and followed up with "when we don't know what to do in our lives and we have to troubleshoot we have to go to our bible". After that I smoked him 69-24 in NBA JAM, to intentionally let him know dad's got the wisdom and the skills (lol).


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