Friday, March 25, 2011

Be Real About Marriage

If you are a single Christian man then what are your expectations about marriage?

Do yourself a BIG favor by establishing realistic expectations of marriage.

Unmet expectations lead to disappointment.
Disappointment left unchecked becomes resentment.
And resentment can become a root of bitterness that destroys a marriage.

Here is some help in setting your expectations:
Marriage is not about wedding.
It is about the life you will build together.

  1. Marriage is not a construction project!  Don’t marry a woman who doesn’t fully accept you for who you are.  And don’t marry a woman HOPING that she will change.  If you accept each other then God is able to keep you both growing together.  Ask yourself BEFORE marriage, “If this woman never changes can I live with her for the rest of my life?” 
  2. Marriage is work!  Ed Cole said, “it is easier to obtain than it is to maintain.”  Why?  We are prone to take people for granted and become complacent.  The same effort that you made to win her heart is required THROUGH the whole marriage.  In fact it takes more effort because you are living together, raising kids, paying a mortgage, etc.  A man has to be proactive and innovative in loving his wife.  Remember that, “a real stud is the man who can satisfy and be satisfied with the same woman for over twenty-five years.”  Any dog can go from woman to woman.
  3. Marriage is a covenant.  Meaning that marriage is not simply a contract between two people but a promise made before God.  In marriage your only real “right” is to benefit your wife.  Your “right” is to die to your selfish desires and serve your wife.  If you aren’t prepared to love a woman like this then quite honestly you have a lot of growing up to do BEFORE you even consider DATING!
  4. Marriage is not your salvation.  Some Christian men look for a woman to validate them or cure them of loneliness.  Sorry partner but marriage will expose your issues not heal them.  You do best to settle your identity issues and vision for your life BEFORE you get married.  Your wife rightly expects a husband not a little boy in need of nurture and a “hug." 

  • What do you think?
  • What are some misguided expectations that I haven’t mentioned?
  • What is the right mindset for marriage?
  • What advice do you have to a future husband or couple?

Please post your thoughts below.

Your brother,

Minister Onorio
P.S. This post is dedicated to my brother Jay "Rome" Mack! Thanks!


  1. Wow I am so honored. Thank you. What is the right mindset for marriage. Well lets try an open one. Misguided comes from misinformation. That is I have found that the people we meet aren't who the appear to be. We meet the persons representative or their mask. The one they(we)hide behind. Sometimes when that real person shows up we wonder who is this person? We are not truthful at times while dating,before marriage we don't want to scare the person away. With women and the statistics only 1-4 are married they feel the pressure to be married. So faults are hidden. As as you said in the blog we don't really know someone until we live with them. Then the question after we find out is can we? And the advice I would give anyone getting married is simple. Don't just plan the wedding day. Plan for the days after.

  2. Also a few books that can help if you are married already. " when 2 become 1"... The marriage you always wanted... and The covenant mariage

  3. Jay, I'm honored to know you brother. Thank you for sharing even more. God bless you bro!

  4. Thank you Minister! I am going though this right now in my life. All this advise is wise, sound and of great value. Although you and I have spoken about this, seeing it all as one and in one place puts it in perspective. Thanks again for being such a blessing.

  5. Richard! Praise God for the guidance of the Holy Spirit.


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