Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Things to know BEFORE you get married

Some Advice to My Single Christian Brothers

So you’re on the hunt for a wife?

Hold on!  Red light!

There are a few things you need to know RIGHT NOW about this woman.

Remember this principle: Marriage is not a construction project.

In real life when you kiss a frog it stays a frog.  I’m not sure if you’ll get warts but it’s certain that the frog won’t turn into a princess.

So before you croak and choke on a bad marriage make sure you know these essentials about YOURSELF and this woman you choose to love.

The attitude of the Christian man in marriage should be “till death do us part.”

So don’t make this commitment until you know the following:

Do you know her commitment to Christ?
I’m not talking about a sister who does the “church” thing.
What am I saying? If you are a born again Christian man don’t settle for anything less than a born again Christian woman. You walk with the wise then you grow wise.  You will become the company you keep.

If you marry a woman whose heart is far from the Lord, then your life and children will reflect that rebellion.

Is she submitted to authority?
A lot of brothers are turned-on by loud-cantankerous women but pay the price for it when life gets really serious.  Men want to be respected.  If she doesn’t respect her family or her boss then it is only a matter of time before she disrespects you.

I’ll say this again: Every man wants to be respected especially by his wife.  If a man isn’t respect by his wife then he can’t trust his wife with his heart.

How does she respond under pressure?
Brothers love to play Superman and save a sister in distress.  But crisis reveals the cracks in the character.  Under pressure does she lie?  Does she blame other people for her problems? To quote New Edition, “can you (she) stand the rain?”

Crisis doesn’t make a person. It reveals who they are.  Crisis reveals character.

Does she walk in moral freedom?
In other words, does she practice deception?  Is she greedy or materialistic?  Is she a flirt or does she use her sexuality to get what she wants? Do you want a woman who “needs” to have a drink or when she drinks gets bombed?

Remember marriage won’t change her character.  When you marry someone you are saying “I accept you for who you are.”

Is she comfortable in her own skin?
This is important because critical people are often unhappy with themselves.  You don’t need to marry a sister who doesn’t find her identity in Christ.  Too many people are overly concerned about the opinion of others and keeping up appearances.  My brother, you don’t need that kind of stress in your marriage.

Does she have a spirit of forgiveness?
If you are like most men, even Christian men, you are going to screw up.  Now there are varying degrees of screwing up in life. But in marriage, when you drop the ball, you are going to appreciate a wife with a spirit of forgiveness.

I’m not saying you marry a woman who is not going to hold you accountable.  Nor do you neglect your responsibilities and expect forgiveness because forgiveness is a gift.  But you want a wife who is FREE from resentment & bitterness.  The last thing you want is your future wife reliving past hurts with you or ON you.

Is she free of past hurts?  Does she accept God’s forgiveness of sins through Jesus Christ?

And does she also admit when she is wrong?

Ask married Christian men about these things and I know they will tell you how important it is to know these things BEFORE marriage.

Nobody is perfect.  But these questions help you to enter marriage with your eyes wide open.  

Marriage is meant to be for a lifetime.  And a Christian husband (and wife) should be “ride or die!” or shall I say, “till death do us part.”

So how do you find these things out?  That will be in the next post on preparing for marriage.

Tell me what you think.

Post your thoughts below.

And be blessed!

Your brother,

Minister Onorio  


  1. Thank you for sharing such wise advice my brother. I really appreciate your dedication to wisdom.

    One thing I have noticed over the years is the that when it comes to relationships (men/woman) we are living in the visual age. What I mean is that men/women approach the opposite sex because they like what they see. Most men/woman work on their outer appearance while their inside is a hot mess. They don't try to get to know one another, as long as they like what they see it's all good.
    I recall when I first came to the states, when a man approached a woman, they had to be interviewed on the spot: "You got a car? you got a house? you got a job?" if the answer was no to all three, then they had to keep it moving. Now as long as the guy is buff or looks good, he's good money. Women are just walking around naked. they leave nothing to the imagination.

  2. Jon,
    Thank you for sharing. And thank you for the kind words. Thank God for His wisdom and I've had great teachers over the years.
    I think your observation is very important. Many parts of our world seem to have become very shallow. So many people are looking for immediate gratification without thinking about longterm consequences or carefully examining the character of a person (or their own character for that matter).
    Thank you again for sharing!

  3. Very,very, very necessary...CHRIST is definitely in you :)

  4. Anonymous,

    Thank you for the encouragement. As I shared with Jon; what I've learned from walking with the Lord, Scripture and wonderful mentors I know want to share as part of a "blueprint" for life in Christ.
    God bless you and keep you

  5. Thank you for being such a blessing. As a man entering a relationship and knowing God has His hand on us, this was very edifying to read. It clarified and confirmed points I needed answers in about her and where I can support her best. More importantly it made me look in that mirror, and not forget who I was looking at. That gave me a chance to look at the areas I need help with and need to mature in. It gave me a chance to ask God to show me the areas I can't see in both of us. It gave me a chance to ask God for help in those areas and discernment and wisdom in asking others for help and guidance. Thank you again as always! Your brother...

  6. Anonymous,
    Praise the Lord my brother. I'll be posting a follow up soon.
    I'm sharing what was shared with me. I'm grateful for the happy 10 plus years of marriage. Counsel determines destiny. The wise counsel I received blessed me. So I'm just paying it forward.
    God bless you my brother.

  7. This is a great article for women as well. Seeing it from a man's point of view. Thank you again. you are a blessing.

  8. To ReviveWomen,
    Thank you for the encouraging words!
    Praise the Lord!


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