Things to know BEFORE you get married

Some Advice to My Single Christian Brothers

So you’re on the hunt for a wife?

Hold on!  Red light!

There are a few things you need to know RIGHT NOW about this woman.

Remember this principle: Marriage is not a construction project.

In real life when you kiss a frog it stays a frog.  I’m not sure if you’ll get warts but it’s certain that the frog won’t turn into a princess.

So before you croak and choke on a bad marriage make sure you know these essentials about YOURSELF and this woman you choose to love.

The attitude of the Christian man in marriage should be “till death do us part.”

So don’t make this commitment until you know the following:

Do you know her commitment to Christ?
I’m not talking about a sister who does the “church” thing.
What am I saying? If you are a born again Christian man don’t settle for anything less than a born again Christian woman. You walk with the wise then you grow wise.  You will become the company you keep.

If you marry a woman whose heart is far from the Lord, then your life and children will reflect that rebellion.

Is she submitted to authority?
A lot of brothers are turned-on by loud-cantankerous women but pay the price for it when life gets really serious.  Men want to be respected.  If she doesn’t respect her family or her boss then it is only a matter of time before she disrespects you.

I’ll say this again: Every man wants to be respected especially by his wife.  If a man isn’t respect by his wife then he can’t trust his wife with his heart.

How does she respond under pressure?
Brothers love to play Superman and save a sister in distress.  But crisis reveals the cracks in the character.  Under pressure does she lie?  Does she blame other people for her problems? To quote New Edition, “can you (she) stand the rain?”

Crisis doesn’t make a person. It reveals who they are.  Crisis reveals character.

Does she walk in moral freedom?
In other words, does she practice deception?  Is she greedy or materialistic?  Is she a flirt or does she use her sexuality to get what she wants? Do you want a woman who “needs” to have a drink or when she drinks gets bombed?

Remember marriage won’t change her character.  When you marry someone you are saying “I accept you for who you are.”

Is she comfortable in her own skin?
This is important because critical people are often unhappy with themselves.  You don’t need to marry a sister who doesn’t find her identity in Christ.  Too many people are overly concerned about the opinion of others and keeping up appearances.  My brother, you don’t need that kind of stress in your marriage.

Does she have a spirit of forgiveness?
If you are like most men, even Christian men, you are going to screw up.  Now there are varying degrees of screwing up in life. But in marriage, when you drop the ball, you are going to appreciate a wife with a spirit of forgiveness.

I’m not saying you marry a woman who is not going to hold you accountable.  Nor do you neglect your responsibilities and expect forgiveness because forgiveness is a gift.  But you want a wife who is FREE from resentment & bitterness.  The last thing you want is your future wife reliving past hurts with you or ON you.

Is she free of past hurts?  Does she accept God’s forgiveness of sins through Jesus Christ?

And does she also admit when she is wrong?

Ask married Christian men about these things and I know they will tell you how important it is to know these things BEFORE marriage.

Nobody is perfect.  But these questions help you to enter marriage with your eyes wide open.  

Marriage is meant to be for a lifetime.  And a Christian husband (and wife) should be “ride or die!” or shall I say, “till death do us part.”

So how do you find these things out?  That will be in the next post on preparing for marriage.

Tell me what you think.

Post your thoughts below.

And be blessed!

Your brother,

Minister Onorio