Why It’s Hard to Be “Friends” First

Christian singles are often told to be “friends first” before becoming emotionally involved.

It’s good advice.  Long lasting marriages are also deep friendships.

So why is it difficult for single Christian men and women to be friends before becoming romantically involved?

One obvious reason is that physical and emotional attraction kick-start the sex drive.

Most men are drawn to the physical first.  It is difficult being friends with someone who catches your eye and then your imagination concerning your future. 

The Bible doesn’t say anywhere to “be her friend first.”  But the Bible does say to treat her as a sister.

 “Treat the older women as you would your mother, and treat the younger women with all purity as your own sisters” (1 Timothy 5:2 NLT).

Regardless of what we are feeling on the inside, the Word of God puts it on us to act like a brother.  How?  Some ideas…

Be real. Admit your attraction or interest in a woman to the Lord first and accountability partners. 

Be holy. Holiness is about creating spiritual and moral boundaries that reflect the character of Jesus the Christ.

Be focused.  Your goal is not to “get her” to be interested in you.  Your goal is not to be sure that she likes you too.  Your goal is to see past how FINE she is in order to see her character.

Be slow to speak. You will need to discern when to be honest with her about what you feel. Especially if you are confident that she is also interested.  But this can only really happen if you are also clear about where you are going in your own life.

When you treat a woman like a sister you want the best for her life.  After all, until marriage, she is your sister in Christ first.

Please share your thoughts below.

Your brother,

Minister Onorio