Be Real About Marriage

If you are a single Christian man then what are your expectations about marriage?

Do yourself a BIG favor by establishing realistic expectations of marriage.

Unmet expectations lead to disappointment.

Disappointment left unchecked becomes resentment.

And resentment can become a root of bitterness that destroys a marriage.

Here is some help in setting your expectations:

Marriage is not about wedding.
It is about the life you will build together.

1. Marriage is not a construction project!  Don’t marry a woman who doesn’t fully accept you for who you are.  And don’t marry a woman HOPING that she will change.  If you accept each other then God is able to keep you both growing together.  Ask yourself BEFORE marriage, “If this woman never changes can I live with her for the rest of my life?” 
2. Marriage is work!  Ed Cole said, “it is easier to obtain than it is to maintain.”  Why?  We are prone to take people for granted and become complacent.  The same effort that you made to win her heart is required THROUGH the whole marriage.  In fact it takes more effort because you are living together, raising kids, paying a mortgage, etc.  A man has to be proactive and innovative in loving his wife.  Remember that, “a real stud is the man who can satisfy and be satisfied with the same woman for over twenty-five years.”  Any dog can go from woman to woman.
3. Marriage is a covenant.  Meaning that marriage is not simply a contract between two people but a promise made before God.  In marriage your only real “right” is to benefit your wife.  Your “right” is to die to your selfish desires and serve your wife.  If you aren’t prepared to love a woman like this then quite honestly you have a lot of growing up to do BEFORE you even consider DATING!
4. Marriage is not your salvation.  Some Christian men look for a woman to validate them or cure them of loneliness.  Sorry partner but marriage will expose your issues not heal them.  You do best to settle your identity issues and vision for your life BEFORE you get married.  Your wife rightly expects a husband not a little boy in need of nurture and a “hug." 

• What do you think?
• What are some misguided expectations that I haven’t mentioned?
• What is the right mindset for marriage?
• What advice do you have to a future husband or couple?

Please post your thoughts below.

Your brother,

Minister Onorio

P.S. This post is dedicated to my brother Jay "Rome" Mack! Thanks!

Take Off the Masks

What mask did you put on today?

Are you wearing a mask?

Men are wearing masks all around us.

We see it in the hood when young men join a gang and put on a mask of defiance.

We see it in the womanizer who is too selfish and insecure to share his heart with one woman.

We see it in the workplace and in the CHURCH where men ask “how you doing? And respond with “I’m good” then quickly shift to talk about sports or politics.

Some masks are a form of protection.  Men don’t like to appear weak or vulnerable.  “I got this!” we say and all the while we need to stop and ask for directions.

Establishing boundaries is not the same as wearing masks.  Don’t let everyone into your business and don’t wear your heart on your sleeve.

Wearing a mask has to do with hiding.  All sin manifests in hiding.  But hiding creates distance between us and God and the people we are called to love.

What masks are you wearing?

Take off the masks with God.  A lot of men “pray” but don’t really and honestly share with God what they feel, believe, or struggle with.  Run boldly before the throne of grace to receive help from your Father.  Embrace the truth and stop walking in lies.

Because of the Spirit of God you can keep it real with God.  You don’t have to perform to be accepted by our Father.  He knows EVERYTHING and we need his power to walk in freedom from sin.  We have to trust, surrender and receive his grace by faith.

And do you have men in your life that can keep it real with you?  When you’re struggling do you have brothers you can call?  When you’re tempted do you have a safe place where you can go? 

Most of the time all we need to do is to confess to a brother and we break the power of sin. 

Why?  Because God gives grace to the humble.

Only the true-faced can receive power to walk in victory.  The false-face, mask wearing, religious man is trapped in the nature of sin.  Ed Cole said, “Unbelief is the basis of sin. Pride is the strength of sin. Deceitfulness is the character of sin.”

Be free brothers.  Be real with God.  Make that phone call.  Take off the mask and walk in freedom.

• What kinds of "masks" do you see around you?
• Why else do you think men wear masks?
• How and when did you begin to take off your masks?

Please post your questions and thoughts below.

Yours brother,

Minister Onorio


Lord Jesus, you are the way, the truth and the life.  You desire truth in the inward parts.  Help us to walk in truth and take off the masks by keeping it real with you in prayer.  Teach us to walk in your strength and the confidence that comes from being accepted by your grace.  And give us other brothers who will be committed to walking with you and to being real not false men. In this way by the power of your Spirit may you have men of valor who walk in your truth bringing you glory.  Amen.